Celine Loaf

I'm sure it's been said before, but two of the most iconic music videos of our time are remarkably, nay spookily, similar: Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back To Me Now" and Meat Loaf's "I'd Do Anything For Love" were cut from the same candlelit, sexy-castle cloth.*

There are four things we must keep in mind:

1. Celine Dion's and Meat Loaf's love interests must be as boringly attractive as possible so as not to detract from how sensual and grandiose these songs are.
2. If you're heartbroken and there isn't a thunderstorm going on, your emotions were not strong enough to conjure almighty Thor. Get over yourself.
3. Motorcycles only lead to tragedy, and sweet gothy sumptuousness.
4. Gilted frames will totally throw off your feng shui. 

First, we've got a facially-misshapen man who haunts the forest-dwelling love of his life. It's a love he'd do anything for, as long as it's not keeping his misshapen face.

Next, we've got a woman who's love-haunted by her dead boyfriend.** She's so love-haunted in fact, that she ghost-makes-out with him.

God, this stuff is so sexy and brooding. Has anyone written any Celine Dion/Meat Loaf fan fiction? 

Okay, now for the fun part. It turns out, Meat Loaf was supposed to record "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" before Celine got her grubby Canadian mitts on it. Apparently, the Loaf wanted it real bad, but the writer viewed it as a "woman's song" and got a court order preventing him from recording it. Meat Loaf didn't let this stop him though; he DID end up recording it in 2006.***

Meat Loaf sits on his music video throne: "This song has come back, this song has come back to me now. There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light. There were things I'd never do again but then they'd always seemed right. There were nights of endless pleasure. It was more than any laws allow-baby, baby!" He takes the liner notes from Falling Into You, wads them up, and puts them in his mouth.

Director: "Meat Loaf, we need to start shooting."

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* It might be because they were both written and produced by the same guy, but I'd rather pretend it's because Celine Dion and Meat Loaf are members of the same vampire coven. 

** Jaime Lannister, is that you?

*** Come now, Meat Loaf. We all know that that chick was not even born yet in the 1920s. You could have at least gotten a 90 year old for the video.