4.09.2014

A Date with Captain America and Closed Captioning Glasses

I saw "Captain America II: More Gunfights, Less Pectorals" last week. It was an uneventful, low key evening, aside from the fact that I understood every word everyone spoken on screen for the first time in over a decade (even the whispering people). No biggies.

I Love Technology (and Closed Captioning Glasses) | Crappy Candle

I had mentioned in a previous post that Regal Cinemas had gotten their act together and started making closed captioning glasses available in their theaters. This was my first opportunity to utilize them since I only go to the movies twice a year. The glasses aren't much bigger than 3D glasses, and if the movie you are seeing is in 3D, the closed captioning glasses have it built in; as much as I wanted to wear 3D glasses over the captioning glasses, it would seem it was not my fate.

My Date with Captain America (and Kevin Costner) in Closed Captioning Glasses
Me and Kevin Costner at the movie theater. His head is really big and stoic in person.

The glasses have a little cord that runs down to a transponder thing that wirelessly communicates with whatever mother hub in the theater is supplying the captioning data. It took me a little while to figure out that the captions won't work properly if you leave the transponder in your lap. The signal gets messed up and the captions will either show up as a brick of neon green or won't keep pace with the film. I found the best method was to clip the transponder to the hood of my jacket and let it rest on my shoulder (there are built in clips on the back of the unit). This is what the captions should look like if it's working properly:


Keep in mind, the captions will remain at the bottom of the screen if you've got proper posture and aren't melting into the chair. These are things I don't do well in movie theaters so this was happening a lot:

Caption America 2 :( | Crappy Candle

And another thing. The glasses are uncomfortable as all hell. They squeezed my head and pushed the tops of my ears down making me feel like a weird elf wearing a too-small 80s headband. The best solution to this was to prop the arms up toward the top of my head, but this caused the captions to display way below the screen. My solution was to slouch in my seat and prop the glasses on the tip of my nose like a grandma. It doesn't look pretty, but it's dark in movie theaters and what the hell do I care anyway.

In conclusion, I've decided that "Captain America 2: Why Aren't the Other Avengers Helping" was great fun because I hadn't thrown money away on a movie I didn't understand. Here are some tips to keep in mind should you want to try the glasses out yourself:

  1. Get there a little early to pick up the closed captioning glasses from the box office.
  2. Bring an alcohol wipe or something to clean off the nose rest on the glasses. Mine was covered in white lady makeup and I was convinced it was going to give me a nose zit.
  3. Wear a jacket or something with a sturdy collar area so you can clip the transponder to it while the lights are on. I was fiddling and fumbling with it the whole movie because I didn't clip it on right the first time.
  4. You don't need to push the buttons on the transponder thing. I repeat: STOP PUSHING BUTTONS. (I'm a confessed button pusher.)
  5. Unless your head is the size of a baby's head, these glasses are going to squeeze the shit out of your head. Maybe a bring a bandana to pad it. Or a head sock.

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PS: **MINI SPOILER (it's not really a SPOILER spoiler)** My favorite part of the movie, the part wear the middle aged woman in the power suit kicked the crap out of everyone, was immediately followed by my least favorite part of the movie: the part where the middle aged woman was revealed to be Scarlett Johansson. Those 2 minutes of film built my faith and trust in American Cinema, then destroyed it spectacularly. Marvel should give Jenny Agutter her own franchise if they want to make this right.

3.27.2014

How Netflix Accidentally Spoiled The X-Files

For those of you that haven't seen the television series The X-Files in it's entirety and are planning to do so at a future date, DO NOT read what follows or scroll down. There are ** SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS ** below, but I have the decency to warn you about them, unlike Netflix. You should be ashamed of yourself, Netflix.


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Dear Netflix,

I thoroughly enjoy streaming my favorite television programs via your service. I also enjoy finding older television programs that I haven't seen before and devouring every last episode. I know that people across the country are doing the same. It's "The Netflix Effect": Netflix adds an older program to the streaming menu, and that program sees a resurgence in interest from new viewers who become newly converted fans. It happened with Dr. Who and Star Trek, and it has happened with X-Files. I am writing to you about the latter.

On X-Files, there is one plot point that drives the show. It's not aliens, mutants, or government conspiracy, it's the sexual tension between the two main characters: Dana Scully and Fox Mulder. They set up this tension in the very first episode and through 8 seasons, 150 hours, and one major motion picture, they do not cross the line. They get close to it, flirt with the idea of it, but that line is never crossed. It's NEVER crossed. I felt like I was perpetually on the edge of sneezing. It's enough to drive a person mad.

Last night, I went to watch the season 8 finale, and low-and-behold, what do I see in the preview image? An image of Scully and Mulder kissing. Are you kidding me!? I brushed it off and told myself, no, Netflix cannot be so stupid as to put the biggest spoiler for this show in the preview image. It was just a friendly peck, you see. I saw it wrong.

HAHA, no. I didn't see it wrong. The episode concludes with Scully and Mulder kissing. Like serious, romantic-time kissing, and I knew it was going to happen before it happened. Eight seasons of sexual tension have been deflated by your dumb interface. I'm never going to get that moment back. You've ruined it RUINED IT. This is not happening.

Who do you have picking these images out for you? I find it hard to believe that they even know that spoilers exist because they seem hell-bent on picking out the most spoiler-y images for so many of the episodes. How hard would it be to just use a single one of the multitude of action sequences for the preview image for the season 8 finale? Hell, an image of Krycek getting shot in the head would have been less upsetting.
OMG. Just so you know, in this episode, Scully will be shot, because here's an image of her bleeding out on the floor:
How Netflix Accidentally Spoiled The X-Files S6 E10 | Crappy Candle
BUT THEN Mulder will get shot in this episode, because here he is bleeding out on the floor (crazy!):
How Netflix Accidentally Spoiled The X-Files S6 E14 | Crappy Candle
And in this is Scully and Mulder k-i-s-s-i-n-g! Can you believe it!
How Netflix Accidentally Spoiled The X-Files S8 E21 | Crappy Candle

Dammit Netflix. You're like the annoying dude at the party that makes everyone "end the party early" but really they're all going to a bar to get drunk without you. Why do you have to be that guy, Neflix? You had so much potential.

Bite me,
Shay Lorseyedi

3.24.2014

10 Favorite Super Crappy Movies

{10} Waterworld
If you think Waterworld is bad, watch it drunk, then talk to me. If you still think it's bad, watch it hungover then talk to me again.

The Good: Say what you will about Waterworld, post-apocalyptic films are always entertaining in my book. Plus, it's got Kevin Costner in it. Oh come on, why does this guy get so much crap? He's a nice, corn-fed American boy.

The Crappy: Ridiculous non threatening sea-doo riding villains, everyone's crusty/burnt/infected looking faces, dumb costumes, and the fact that Kevin Costner is essentially a mer-man in grubby Beetlejuice pants, there is plenty of crap to spread around.


{9} The Village
I was legitimately confused when people started talking shit on this movie when it came out.

The Good: Bryce Dallas Howard and her dreamy face, Joaquin Phoenix and his dreamy eyes, Adrien Brody, Sigourney Weaver and Judy Greer who can do no wrong, and Michael Pitt with that cute little mouth of his. The look and styling of the movie is perfect, and it was suspenseful in true Shyamalanonian fashion.

The Crappy: Nothing. I'm sorry, is the twist ending upsetting to you? It's an M. Night Shyamalan movie. They all have twists. Maybe he twisted so hard that the knob came off, but I did not see it coming, so I'm marking it down as a winner.


{8} Demolition Man
I'm going to get a lot of guff for this one.

The Good: Wesley Snipes and Sylvester Stallone face off in a ugly-clothed future viewed through 90s glasses. Every restaurant is Taco Bell, "what's your boggle" is used in earnest, Otho in a kimono, and Sandra Bullock is in it too. What, am I in heaven?

The Crappy: This cheesy crap would never ever happen in any future ever. In America, we sex, wipe our butts with toilet paper, and use foul language. This is America Dammit.


{7} Highlander
I'm going to get even more guff for this one.

The Good: Soundtrack by Queen and a highly quotable tag line: There can be only one. Sean Connery is a Spaniard named Ramirez who teaches Christopher Lambert, a Scotsman, how to be an immortal warrior and battle Clancy Brown, who's some kind of Frankenstein or something.

The Crappy: Wait Wait Wait. They cast Sean Connery as a Spaniard and Christopher Lambert as a Scotsman? Am I also supposed to believe Christopher Lambert is not a Frankenstein? It's okay Highlander. Sometimes, when something is so epic, it can be hard not to squeeze out a fat log of cheese at the same time. Also, here's new tag line for you: "There should be only one." Maybe they wouldn't have made all those sequels.


{6} Junior
I did not fully understood why Junior is not a good movie until a few days ago.

The Good: Schwarzenegger and DeVito is all I need for a buddy movie. They could be teaching a litter of Golden Retrievers how to play basketball against a team inner city youths for all I care.

The Crappy: I'm not sure if you know this, but this is a movie about a pregnant man.


{5} Mannequin
I don't think anything from the 80s was bad, and Mannequin wasn't even that bad.

The Good: Andrew McCarthy as a window dresser + Kim Cattrall as a mannequin = makeover montages that fill my 80s shaped heart to the brim. Estelle Getty + James Spader = kill me now, it's never getting any better than this.

The Crappy: The back story about Egyptian curse? Please. No explanation would have been better. The fact that it takes place in the 80s should have been explanation enough.


{4} The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
No really, nothing from the 80s was bad.

The Good: Bring the super gross playing cards to life with a super weird movie, and DON'T make it a cartoon. Woah. Sign me up please.

The Crappy: The live action Garbage Pail Kids really are super gross. Their lifeless eyes will haunt your dreams and make you want to take a shower. That part where Messy Tessie smears her snot over all the clothes is deeply disturbing on multiple levels, and the part where they find the Garbage Pail Kids concentration camp is probably going to give me nightmares tonight because I remembered it just now as I'm writing this. Also, Tangerine can eat me.


{3} Mac and Me
NOTHING FROM THE 80S WAS BAD

The Good: This film is McDonald's answer to ET, except Elliott is a blond kid in a wheelchair and ET is an alien with a butthole for a mouth. If you think that the child alien is creepy looking, wait until you get a load of it's family. HUGE PAYOFF.

The Crappy: I'm pretty sure the makers of Mac and Me did not intend for their movie to be the worst movie ever made. The crap remains, even if it has somehow evolved into something beautiful.


{2} Bio-Dome
I've got a weird crush on Pauly Shore. Deal with it.

The Good: Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin star in a delightful romp about two dumbasses who find themselves locked in a bio-dome experimental habitat for 1 year. The premise alone sells it. Plus Stephen Baldwin definitively proves that stoner eyes and Baldwin eyes are the same thing.

The Crappy: Am I supposed to believe that Pauly Shore and Stevie Baldwin are dating these two hot chicks? I suppose I am, since I have a weird crush on Pauly Shore.


{1} The Wicker Man
I've got a not-so-weird crush on Nicolas Cage.

The Good: Nicolas Cage is at the height of his crap career with this one. It's like they had a serious thriller script, but the director decided to make it a comedy, and when they got Nicolas Cage they told him, "just be you." Go watch it right now (or just watch the spoiler clips below).

The Crappy: Shut up this movie is a masterpiece.


Special Guest: 
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II
I love this crap movie so much. I have a bit of a bias towards it though because I went to the premiere. Be jealous.

10 Favorite Super Crappy Movies | Crappy Candle

My complete list of the Top 100 Crappiest Movies Ever: The Best of the Worst Movies Ever Made

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And Also Special Guest: 
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon 
I haven't seen it yet, but after watching these clips, my interest is PIQUED.

3.19.2014

Now With More Ridiculous Crap

I had mentioned this in a previous post, but I set up a Facebook page for Crappy Candle about a week ago and I'm putting all kinds of fun stuff there. Fun stuff like this:

Happy Birthday Bruce Willis | Crappy Candle
Hey there Brucie Boy, flying through the sky so fancy free.
Heheh. eh... I love Bruce Willis. He turned 59 today. There's more of this kind of crap on the Facebook page. Take a look if you haven't yet: Crappy Candle on Facebook.

3.16.2014

New Name, Same Ole Crap

Uh-oh. It's the "R" word. REDESIGN. Maybe it's because I'm a little hungover, and maybe it's because I was just hungover watching "13 Going on 30" again, but got impulsive bought this blog a domain. Welcome to Crappy Candle.

Crappy Candle

Crappy Candle* is also the name of my Tumblr blog (tumblog?) which I've been running for a little over a year. Crappy Candle on Tumblr is dedicated primarily to nostalgia and pop culture bits, while the main Crappy Candle is what I like to call "a lifestyle blog for the rest of us": a little bit of beauty blogging, some "culture" blogging (whatever that is), some pop culture blogging, and some blogging that I haven't even thought of yet, without pretense and devoid of stuffiness. There will be some overlap in topics between this blog and the tumblr blog, and both sites will share the same Facebook page also called (wait for it) CRAPPY CANDLE. It's brand new. Give it a "like" if you swing that way.

I'm also a newly minted "80s Pop Culture" contributor over at Squidoo.com, so I'll be posting lots of 80s stuff too. Expect nostalgia barf all over the place.

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*What is a "Crappy Candle"? It's a Simpsons reference. There used to be a video of it on Youtube, but Fox removed it for rights infringement, so you'll have to trust me that it's a good one. Also, Fox, if you are reading this, please put Simpsons clips online so we can use them legally. There is a market for it, I promise.

3.10.2014

Get Ahold of Yourself: Jealousy

(Covet) Get Ahold of Yourself: Jealousy | imshayshay.blogspot.com

With St. Patrick's Day coming up, I decided to go green. Jealous that is. I'm not nearly envious enough of my friends, former co-workers, and classmates that I haven't seen since high school, so it's time for me to step up my game. I'm going to covet all my neighbors' wives.

Oh, don't look at me like that. Of course I'm joking. I'm already coveting all my neighbor's wives. It's not healthy.

Jealousy is one of those emotions that you don't want anyone to know you feel, but every human being does feel from time to time. Jealousy is an admission that you believe that someone else is superior to you in some way. Jealousy an admission of inadequacy, and no one likes to admit that they feel like a loser.

Since insincerity bothers me more than publicly airing my flaws, I'm going to share my own experiences with jealousy, and how I am working to overcome it. Given my current personal circumstances, I have given jealousy the perfect warm, mossy place to grow. I hope this will be cathartic:


{1} Being in a Creative Industry is Killing Me
Being surrounded by creative people is a double edged sword when you're also a green eyed monster. I see all the great things people are making and while I love it, I simultaneously feel terrible about myself. I instantly wonder why I'm not doing well, I start beating myself up, and then (and this is the worst part) I feel angry that this other person that I had deemed my equal is now "pulling ahead" in the "race." Eeesh.

What I really want is to is to give these people a big hug and say, This is hard to do and you are bold for doing it. I believe in you 100%. I'm so proud of you. Somehow, somewhere along the way, my wires got crossed and I started thinking in a very toxic way. I want to support my fellow creatives, not secretly hope for their failure. One person's success does not negate my own.
Solution: I like to think of that part in 13 Going on 30 when Judy Greer tells Jennifer Garner that she's working on an idea for the magazine's redesign and hopes she doesn't mind. Jennifer smiles, whips her hair as she looks over her shoulder and says No, of course I don't mind - because I'm doing the same thing. Boom. 13 Going on 30 for president. 
Anytime I feel a like my jealousy is going to make me vomit, I throw myself into my own projects. It's amazing how productivity curbs rising chunks of vile jealousy.

{2} Living at Home with My Parents is Killing Me
Sorry Mom and Dad. Your warm loving home is making me feel like a loser. I know that my experience of needing to move home is not unique, but it's very difficult to not compare myself to my peers when my peers are flourishing.
Solution: Move out, dumbass. Very true brain, but not helpful. The best thing for me to do when I'm feeling down on myself for living with ma n' pa while my friends are buying houses and traveling the world, is to remind myself why I'm doing this. 
My husband and I are both trying to work in difficult, competitive, and often low-paying fields. Our successes may not be as forthcoming as they would be had either one of us chosen an easier, more lucrative career. I am not a failure because I've taken a challenging path. I need to remind myself that we are both taking amazing risks that many people would either be unable to do, or would be too afraid to try. In that way, I think we are incredibly lucky.

{3} Working from Home is Killing Me
What happens when you're isolated with your Mom, your husband, and your dog all day with little outside interaction? You start losing social skills, start losing perspective, and start losing a grip on reality. I've been staring at my navel for so long that I've grown a mighty hump.
Solution: Roll off your bed desk from time to time and walk the dog. Take that stupid writing class you've been talking about for months. Jump at every opportunity to meet up with friends and family for lunch or drinks, no matter how easy it would be to make up an excuse. Talk to people on the phone more often, even though talking on the phone with anyone makes your pits sweat. (Customer service lady at BOFA, we had a good chat. Call me sometime.) 
By increasing the scope of my day-to-day reality, I'll be less likely to internalize and think about all the stuff I'm doing wrong. There are so many more important things in this world than what's going on inside my pea brain.

{4} Social Media is Killing Me 
All of the above converges on one hotplate: social media. I watch as people I know, people I barely know, and people I haven't spoken to in years are buying their second home, having their third baby, and writing their first novel. They're getting promotions, purchasing low emission vehicles, and traveling to faraway lands with beaches made of powdered gold. They're living independently like some kind of wunderkind, getting their hair cut regularly (!?), and blowing glitter out their butts in the place of farts.

You might be thinking, Well, duh Shay. Stop going on social media. Here's the rub: I'm an Internet marketer, I write online, and I aspire to work in the entertainment industry. This means that I need social media to work, I need social media to promote my work, and I need social media to keep my connected to future work. Oye.
Solution: Stop the endless must-check-social-media cycle throughout the day by limiting yourself to one social media session per meal, and log out to keep yourself in check (logging out really helped with Facebook). Stop following people that are contributing to toxic thinking. Those people aren't thinking about me, so why should I be so fixated on them. Additionally, the ones that are constantly blowing glitter out their asses probably don't have insides that are full of glitter. Many people like to paint a beautiful picture of their lives online, but no one has a life that is perfect.

Most importantly, I need to stop focusing on what other people are doing, and focus more on what I'm doing. I need to think everyday about what I'm doing to reach my goals, even if my ultimate goal is to marry my neighbor's wife. How you doin.

2.28.2014

Black Cherry Nails by Essie

Big news in Southern California today: it rained. You'd think some kind of natural disaster was happening because every local news channel was in storm watch 2014 mode. Dallas Raines, the perfect weatherman for LA, was super stoked obviously.

I love the rain, probably because I was raised here and never got to experience extreme weather when I was growing up. I stared out my window today for about 10 minutes straight, wellies on, grinning like a goof.
Me: HOLY CRAP GREG. Our cars are going to wash away. 
Greg: Our cars aren't going to wash away, Shay. 
Me: But what if they DO!? 
Greg: Then our insurance will cover it and we can get new cars. 
Me: I hope they wash into the front yard of the neighbor with the dog that shits on everyone's lawn.
Greg: That's uphill. 
Me: Good point.
Toggle to the Top & Shearling Darling | imshayshay.blogspot.com
These nail polish bottles almost washed away while taking this picture though. (I'm livin' on the eeedge!)

One of my best friends gave me the Essie's Winter 2013 Cube for Christmas, and I finally got around to trying "Shearling Darling" and "Toggle To The Top" today, the final day of my Red February challenge. I saved these sparkley babies for last because I'm rainy-day-drinking with friends tomorrow in celebration of Greg finishing The Rattler, a graphic novel he's been illustrating for 3 years.

Essie Winter 2013 - Shearling Darling & Toggle To The Top | imshayshay.blogspot.com

Oh what? What's that you say? It looks like black cherry?

Black Cherry Nails | imshayshay.blogspot.com
BLACK CHERRIED.

I assume that these two colors were meant to be worn together, one stacked atop the other, because they look too delicious to do otherwise. Shearling Darling looks a lot lighter in the bottle (it goes on as a dark, vampy blood red), while Toggle To The Top is a light red glitter in a transparent cherry slush. 

Black Cherry Nails by Essie | imshayshay.blogspot.com

I give Toggle To The Top one more star than Shearling Darling, because Toggle is red glitter, and red glitter is the best kind of glitter.

Shearling Darling

Toggle to the Top

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This review is part of my Painting The Blog Red series. For more red, go HERE.

My Favorite {Red} Nars Lipstick


For a huge portion of my adult life I was convinced that I couldn't wear lipstick. I had spent many of my teen years trying in vain to find a lipstick that would look natural but pretty with my skintone. I wish I could travel back in time and hit my younger self upside the head and say, It's called chapstick, numb nuts.

I've also got an anime mouth*, so I never wanted to draw attention to it. I convinced myself that my eyes were the only viable feature on my face, therefore my makeup collection has always been brimming with Mac eyeshadow. It wasn't until a year and a half ago that I discovered that indeed I could wear red lipstick (HARLOT!) and I would actually like it more than my eye makeup. It makes me feel like a purty lady.

Nars "Cruella" Velvet Matte Lip Pencil | imshayshay.blogspot.comNars "Fire Down Below" Semi-Matte Lipstick | imshayshay.blogspot.comNars "Red Square" Velvet Matte Lip Pencil | imshayshay.blogspot.comNars "Train Bleu" Velvet Matte Lip Pencil | imshayshay.blogspot.com
Lipsticks shown (clockwise from top left): Nars "Cruella" Velvet Matte Lip Pencil, Nars "Fire Down Below" Semi-Matte Lipstick, Nars "Red Square" Velvet Matte Lip Pencil, Nars "Train Bleu" Velvet Matte Lip Pencil

I think my favorite thing about doing a bold lip is that I can wear it with very little other makeup and still feel like I look put together. The matte formulas that Nars makes are even better because they don't make me look like I've been feasting on fried chicken.

Nars Swatches: Train Bleu, Fire Down Below, Red Square, Cruella | imshayshay.blogspot.com

Train Bleu is a very dark, blackberry shade. It requires some upkeep and maybe a hat. Fire Down Below was forumlated to be as close to the color of human blood as possible, making it a universally flattering red. I'm not sure if the blood thing was a clever marketing ploy or what, but it hooked me regardless. Red Square may look like a super bright orange-red, but that's only because it IS a super bright orange-red. It's one of my favorites and has the best pigmentation out of all of my lipsticks. If it's good enough for the Grandma from Mars Attacks, it's good enough for me. Finally, Cruella. Cruella was my first fancy red lipstick. It's described as a "scarlet" red which I take to mean it's got pink undertones. It looks lovely as a wash of color, ie dabbed on lightly and topped with chapstick.

Red Nars Lipstick Swatches | imshayshay.blogspot.com

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*An "anime mouth" is the new hip word the kids are using to refer to a very small mouth. Spread it like wildfire.

PS: My skintone is light-to-medium olive so I generally gravitate towards warmer based red lipsticks like brick reds and orange-reds. Cruella was an anomaly, but maybe it's because pink actually looks okay on me (I had no idea!). 

This article is from my "Painting The Blog Red" series. For more red, go HERE.

2.20.2014

That one time I got SCARLET FEVER

Don't look at the camera, emo Shay. It will steal your soul.

For a period in my life, my body had this fun quirk where it would acquire old-timey health conditions that are generally unheard of in first world countries. For example, this one time, I stapled my thumb while making a paper plate craft and had to go to the Urgent Care (because my mom didn't want to pay for a hospital visit because her dumb kid stapled her thumb) to have it removed. What, that's not an illness? Okay, well this other time, I was in class and messing with one of those tiny school supply kit staplers and I accidentally stapled the same thumb, and thought to myself, Oh no not again, and ripped it out quickly before the teacher could notice what an idiot I was.    What.

FINE. When I volunteered in a hospital in college, I had to get a TB test and discovered I had latent Tuberculosis. (happy now?) For anyone that has not had a TB test before, it involves the placement of a tiny bit of inactive bacteria under the skin of the forearm. If it gets inflamed, it means you've got an immune response, and damn girl you could have Tuberculosis. A full blown infection is kind of hard to miss though (cough cough), so for young people in the United States, a positive test usually means you've simply been exposed to someone with TB, but don't actually have TB.

I had one other TB test in the past, and the inflammation diameter was right on the edge of okay and no-okay so they let it slide. When I got tested again in college, my TB dot swelled to the size of silver dollar. Wuh oh. I'm your Huckleberry?

My doctor told me that I had a I had inactive Tuberculosis in my body and that if I left it untreated there was a 10% chance that I would develop active Tuberculosis at some point in my life. So I went on a 6 month course of antibiotics that was so hard on my liver that my doctor told me I shouldn't drink alcohol during that time period. Since this was the heyday of my drinking career, I was like, Yeah right doc, aint gonna happen. Of course he asked me, quite seriously, Shay, do you have a problem with alcohol? And I laughed and said, I just turned 21. I need it like you need cotton balls and tongue depressors.*

Anyway, it turned out fine. My liver is fine and I never got Tuberculosis. Don't worry about me guys, I'm fine.

A much funner story occurred a few months prior to this. It was right before winter break and I noticed I had this weird red rash all over my torso. It didn't itch and I didn't feel sick, so I though it might have been a reaction to some lotion I was using. I threw my fancy new Aveeno in the trash and headed up to Lake Tahoe for a ski trip. 

On day one I was fine, but by day two I felt like someone had dropped me off a tall building. I chalked it up to being sore from snowboarding and falling a lot (I was never good at snowboarding), and decided to stay in the hotel room for the day and take creepy pictures of my rash.



By the time I got home a few days later, the rash and mysterious illness were gone, but I developed a really gross new symptom. *Warning* (If you'd be grossed out to hear that the skin from the tips of my fingers and the tips of my toes started peeling off in sheets, don't read what I just wrote.) This was before the days of widespread WebMDing, so I went to the doctor with my peeling hands and asked for assistance. He told me that the skin-peeling-thing was a dead ringer for Scarlet Fever, but it was very rare for someone as old as me to get it. I had always thought the Scarlet Fever was reserved for little kids that had Velveteen Rabbits, but then I remembered that I HAD A VELVETEEN RABBIT as a kid and it all made sense. I went on an antibiotic for a week or so, and I was fine. My parents didn't have to burn all my stuff or anything.

Moral of the Story: We live in the future. Thank goodness for antibiotics. 

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*You got me, I never said that. I actually am an alcoholic.

This essay is from my "Painting the Blog Red" series. For more red, go HERE (There are no other rash stories, I promise).

2.14.2014

Sonia Kashuk: Scarlet Starlet

Today's red nail polish adventure is brought to you by Disneyland. My generous sister-in-law and brother-in-law took me and Greg to the most magical place on earth last weekend as a belated wedding present. To mark this glorious occasion, I opted for a classic retro red polish: Sonia Kashuk's Scarlet Starlet.

Sonia Kashuk Scarlet Starlet | imshayshay.blogspot.com

A few months ago, I wore OPI's "Got the Blues For Red" and noticed it some hunky chunky dark patches in my manicure. I thought it was a weird lighting thing, or a defect with my eye, but quickly realized it was more likely the polish was old. This has never happened to me before (sidenote: I think it's a crock that nail polish doesn't last forever. It's basically a preservative, so what gives?). Rather than buy another expensive OPI polish, I opted for Sonia Kashuk Scarlet Starlet. It's a near perfect dupe for Got the Blues for Red.

OPI Got the Blues for Red Dupe | imshayshay.blogspot.com

I thought it would be really fun to manicure-grab as many things at Disneyland as I could find, get photos of them all, then use them for a blog post. First stop: pre-Disney Corona-rita from The Rainforest Cafe.

Corona-rita | imshayshay.blogspot.com

This drink was ridiculous, but actually really good. We didn't get to sit inside The Rainforest Cafe (we were on the patio), but my trips to the bathroom were festive and full of fish tanks and Jumanji.

Sonia Kashuk: Scarlet Starlet Swatch | imshayshay.blogspot.com

You'll never guess which ride this was taken on, probably because you can't see anything in the background. I'll give you a hint: there were animatronics. That oughta narrow it down for you. 

Fine. It's the Jungle Cruise. I would have taken more with some elephants in the background or something, but Greg told me I was being "rude" for taking "pictures" while the tour guide was "talking." Pffft.

Blue Based Red Nail Polish | imshayshay.blogspot.com

Fine Greg, lemme just grab this ball then. Do you know what ride this is from? Here's another hint:

Scarlet Starlet - OPI Got The Blues for Red Dupe | imshayshay.blogspot.com

This one resulted in Greg complimenting my "palsy" hand. Thanks a lot Greg. Now one of us will be smoten with a palsy hand. 

Give up? It's Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. 

Next up...

Sorry guys, that's all I have to show for my 12 hours at Disneyland and California Adventure. I tried to take some more photos of my beautiful manicure on some of the rides, but Greg wouldn't let me because he's a jerk and hates beautiful manicures. You'll drop your phone, he says. Your flash is on, he says. Enjoy the moment and stop looking at your nails, he says. Well Greg also refuses to read any of my nail polish blog posts, to which I say: HEY GREG, KISS MY BUTT LONG AND HARD.

Since I have no more photos for you, here is a free Disney tip: Eat at the Blue Bayou, aka the restaurant inside the Pirates of the Caribbean. Order the Monte Cristo Sandwich. Cart the leftovers around with you for 6 hours. Eat the rest of the soggy fried sandwich the next day. I did all of the above and felt like I had been reborn into this world, fresh and not at all greasy or disgusting.

The Review: Sonia Kahsuk's Scarlet Starlet gets 5 Pennies from me. It's cheap ($5), it's a good consistency (2 coats and you're ready to go), it's a classic blue based red, and coordinates beautifully with Minnie Mouse Ears. Love it.


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This review is from my "Painting The Blog Red" series. Go HERE for more red-ings.
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