Essie: Clambake

In preparation for the inaugural post of my "Red February" challenge, I did what I do naturally: I spent hours looking at pointless shit all over the Internet, mostly via unrealistic Pinterest pictures. I found myself on one of those lifestyle blogs that tend to make its casual readers feel like disgusting cavemen. I'm banging two rocks together, while Mrs. Glossy McFancypants over here is inventing a new way to eat chocolate.

One article I came across had a list of the author's favorite Essie nail polishes. Now, I'm not snarking on this person. Her blog was very pretty, with gorgeous photos full of clean natural light that made me giddy, but it also made me feel like I had wandered into a southern country club wearing nothing but a rice sack. I've decided that the best way to impress my fellow bloggers is to buy the products they like and pretend to be them.

I'm sure that the fact that this particular Essie polish is called "Clambake" didn't help with my feelings of debutant inadequacy. I'll give this a shot.

Oooo. Yeah. You were right Mrs. Glossy McFancy pants. This nail polish is the shit. I was concerned because I had read reviews that said Clambake looks best with really fair skin, but I've got medium toned olive skin and I think it's quite lovely. I've already changed my name to Blanche Du Bois.

Clambake is Frank's RedHot Sauce red, that looks oranger or redder depending on the light. I'd say it's a touch warmer than tomato red, but it's more wearable than straight orange. Oh, what? The gnome? Yeah, this is a gnome that lives in my parent's yard. He hangs on the edge of pots and is all "I'll never climb all the way up this thing!" It's the human condition, ain't it, little dude.

Essie's Clambake is what is called a "Jelly" nail polish. Now, I didn't know what this was until recently, but apparently it's a kind of translucent nail polish that makes your nails look like shiny pieces of candy. Don't put your fingers in your mouth though, it's super bitter.

For Clambake, two coats was all I needed. I topped it with Seche Vite. It gets 5 pennies, sugardumplin.

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This review is from my "Painting The Blog Red" series. Go HERE for more red-ings.