At Least 10 Super Crappy White Elephant Gifts 2015

Tis the season for giving really crappy white elephant gifts to friends and loved ones. What better way to show how much you care than to give something that is disgusting, dumb, or just plain mean. Keep in mind, however, that what separates a fantastic white elephant gift from a run-of-the-mill bad present is a silver lining of beauty:

☞  Impractical, but hilarious.
☞  Hilarious, but hideous.
☞  Hideous, but intriguing.
☞  Intriguing, but no really wtf is this shit.

I've collected 10+ shiny turds for your perusal.

1) Jeff Goldblum Jewelry



Take heart, his nipple has been cropped in.
Find him on Etsy

...and for those hoping for more topical Jeff, you can Enhance Your Lighting.

Find him on Etsy

2) Booty Pop

Show that special someone that you love them just the way they are, but you know you'd look so much better if you had a rounder butt.
Find it on Amazon

3) These creepy vintage dolls

Sneak one into a friend's bed while they're sleeping.
Find them on Etsy

...or just cram it into one of these boxes:

Find this box on Amazon

4) This pig thing

They say nightmares are bits of our daily experience cobbled together with our innermost thoughts and feelings. So, you know, succulents and child-faced pig monsters.
Find him on Etsy

5) Susan Boyle "The Gift"

Not only will you be gifting someone with this literal gift, The Gift also a Christmas album.
Find the gift on Amazon

6) Shark Onesie

This is probably the most practical item on this list. You will find no snark here.
Find this at Nordstrom (the unicorn and Rudolph onesies look lovely as well)

7) This Rubber Chicken Bag

I seriously considered giving this to my mother-in-law. I bookmarked it 8 months ago (OMG wrap some McDonalds Chicken Nuggets inside. You will be KING of the gift exchange.)
Find her on Amazon

8) Not The Mama Shirt

At least once a week, I remember what a dick Baby Sinclair was. Perhaps someone at your gift exchange enjoys this ritual as well.
Find him on Amazon



9) Hairy chest sweatshirt

Why imagine what it's like to be a well oiled machine when you could live it.
Find it on Firebox

10) IT'S GROOT

I THINK
Find groot on Etsy

10) I'd really like to eat a child.

11) That is a name of a children's book. Here it is.

Find it on Amazon

12) Fabio After Dark

Fabio suddenly appears next to you, nuzzles his perfect bronzed face next to yours, and whispers, sensually: "I can't believe you're not hotter."
Find Fabio on Amazon

13) Double-sided Jonathan Taylor Thomas/Rider Strong Poster

So cute. So non-threatening.
Find your tweenage angst on Ebay

At Least 10 Super Crappy White Elephant Gifts 2015 :: Crappy Candle