October Horror Movie Month 2014 In Review

October Horror Movie Month 2014 in Review :: Crappy Candle

October Horror Movie Month (OHMM) is when we spend the month of October watching horror. These are my viewings for 2014:

The Frighteners (1996)
Fun, light, and gooey, The Frighteners never disappoints.

Devil (2010)
I told Greg that I wanted to watch the elevator movie on Netflix because I thought it was supposed to be good? It has snozzberries in it and, oops, I thought that guy was Tom Hardy all this time? As far as elevator movies go, it was meh. Needs more Keanu.

The Conjuring (2013)
It's one of the top rated new horror movies on Netflix, which is not too impressive considering that the genre is so turd-saturated. Nonetheless, The Conjuring was suspenseful and engaging, and I recommend it.

Deliver Us from Evil (2014)
Another top-rated new movie that is along the same lines as The Conjuring, what with the possession and all. It's pretty creepy, our leads are way too pretty, and I'm pretty sure this is the most accurate portrayal of Joel McHale ever committed to screen.

Insidious (2010)
The cover makes it look like we'd be dealing with an Omen type situation, but it was not at all Omen-y. I only caught the last half, but I think I got the best parts. I'm really happy Lin Shaye is finding work where she's not playing a disgusting old hag.

They Live (1988)
Greg and I tried to watch this last year. We gave up 3/4 of the way through because it's so fucking terrible (sorry They Live fans, your movie looks like it fell in the cheese dip back in 1957). I'm happy to report, however, we made it all the way through this year. Ultimately, that ridiculously extended Roddy Piper/Keith David fight scene was what won me over.

Halloween (1978)
Jamie Lee Curtis is a much more responsible, level-headed baby sitter than I'd ever be. I wonder why she's never cast as a mom.

That Stripping Scene from True Lies
My mom walked by my open door while I was watching this and I pretended like I was cleaning my belly button.

Thinner (1996)
More movies should make their special effects makeup from raw chicken cutlets, jello, and olive oil. More movies should cast Michael Constantine as a not too scary and kind of lovable villain. More movies should take place in Maine.

Scream (1996)
Dear 13 year old me: Skeet Ulrich is obviously a disgusting, STD-riddled, sleazy murderer/date rapist. You can do better honey.

Beetlejuice (1988)
It angers me that Winona Ryder is referred to as "that little girl," because I've always assumed she was at least 20 in this movie.

The Last Quarter of Poltergeist (1982)
Tangina must not be a very good clairvoyant because she says "This house is clean" and it so obviously is not clean. It's not clean Tangina. We've got a mud-skeleton pit, Falcor-spider, and a pulsating wormhole left here.  Lies. Lies.

It (1990)
Really scary for a 10 year old. Not so scary for a grumpy 31 year old. (Greg was not impressed.)

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)
Casting Call: Young man, Age 16-20. Sandy blonde hair. Classic, all-American kid with a boy-next-door-charm. Will be in that St. Elmo's Fire movie. First name Andrew, last name McCarthy. 
Revised Casting Call: Young man, Age whatever. blondish. Classic, non-threatening kid with paunchy body. (we can't afford Andrew McCarthy).

Candyman (1992)
Agent Scully is so beautiful.

Various X-Files Episodes (timeless)
The X-Files is responsible for 90% of my 2014 night terrors.

Various Dark Matters Episodes (2011)
If you haven't watched this series, I highly recommend it. It's on the Science Channel and is narrated by John Noble who has a really deep, haunting voice. It's about the weird science experiments and happenings that have occurred over history. It involves a lot of radiation poisoning and and other fuck-ups with horrifying consequences.

Tremors (1990)
Kevin Bacon, crap he's taken, your hair's so thickly straight. With piggish nose and crumpled smile, let's eat you off a plate.

Freddy vs Jason (2003)
Congratulations, filmmakers. You took my two least favorite horror villains, put them in a movie together, then shot them into space.

Jason X (2001)
The space part was from Jason X. Congratulations, filmmakers. You made me think Freddy vs Jason and Jason X are the same movie.

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