2.16.2010

Top 10 Reasons Why I Hate Driving

10 Reasons Why I Hate Driving | Crappy Candle
Image Credit: Eli Christman (Gamma Man on Flickr) CC 2.0
I don't remember hating driving before I moved to San Francisco. After moving to SF, I didn't drive for about 3 years, and when I finally had the opportunity to, I didn't really need to because I had my Hoke. On some occasions, I have to drive, but I'll be grinding my teeth in disgust the whole time. Here's why: 
  1. I really like the window seat. Technically, the drivers seat is also a window seat, but the drivers seat does not let you zone out at all, really. Because you're driving a car. I take my business seriously.

  2. I can't do anything when I'm driving. So, since I take my business seriously, I can't talk on the phone, look for split ends, or eat a sandwich. These things make other people nervous and make me a bad driver, but these are things I like to do. Something's got to give and it isn't likely to be my sandwich.

  3. Driving makes me paranoid to change the music playing. This is why when I was a wee weenus, I came up with the idea that the person riding shotgun gets to play DJ, but I get veto powers. So what happens when I'm alone? It's ugly. I usually put on the radio and listen whatever crappy music comes on.

  4. Similarly, driving makes me too paranoid to multi-task. You know, like looking at maps. Or my IPhone. Or IPhone maps. I once got lost in the Presidio for about 30 minutes trying to find the Sports Basement because every time I thought I found the right street and drive for a little while, I'd realize I hadn't found the right street. I'd pull over, readjust the IPhone map, plan a new route, then get lost again. This was compounded by the fact that right before I got to the Presidio, an angry San Francisco youth hit the back of my car with his jacket (with metal zippers and buttons, man. METAL!). This brings me to my next point:

  5. I hate pedestrians. I hate the phrase "pedestrians have the right of way." You know why? A lot of people take this to mean that as a pedestrian, there are no rules. This is especially applicable to San Francisco. Pedestrians don't stop when they come to cross walks. Often times, they aren't even looking. They just plow on through. It's like they forget that you're driving a heavy piece of machinery. Come on guys, it's just not safe.

    I Hate Pedestrians | Crappy Candle
    Yup. This is San Francisco.
    Photo by: Eric Fischer on Flickr (CC 2.0)
  6. I hate bikes. I hate them more than I hate pedestrians. Don't get me wrong. Cyclists can be courteous and cautious, but I fear most in San Francisco suffer from a form of hipster elitism that makes them immune to even the biggest of cars, what with their "fixed gears" and silly hats. My rule of thumb is, if you're too cool to wear a helmet, you're probably going to ride your bike like an idiot.
    I Hate Driving | Crappy Candle
    You know it's bad when your bike douchery is clogging up real bicyclists.
    Photo by: Kenneth Lu (ToastyKen on Flickr) CC 2.0
  7. I hate other drivers. Lets ignore the extra peripherals on the road. Drivers who drive too slow, too fast, tailgate, ignore traffic signs, ignore the order of right-of-way at stop signs. Oh, you drive a BMW? You don't need to use your turn signal because, yes, you are better than me.

  8. I hate the people in the car with me. No one is immune to my all-encompassing rage. My passengers often pick up my driving insecurities and act appropriately. Criticizing my driving only makes me angrier.

  9. It makes me a bad person. You see all this? My blood pressure is rising just thinking about getting in a car and driving.

  10. Accidents are scary. It's really what it boils down to for me. I'm a worrier and accidents are worrisome.
SHARE:

No comments

Post a Comment

Blogger Template Created by pipdig