With St. Patrick's Day coming up, I decided to go green. Jealous that is. I'm not nearly envious enough of my friends, former co-workers, and classmates that I haven't seen since high school, so it's time for me to step up my game. I'm going to covet all my neighbors' wives.
Oh, don't look at me like that. Of course I'm joking. I'm already coveting all my neighbor's wives. It's not healthy.
Jealousy is one of those emotions that you don't want anyone to know you feel, but every human being does feel from time to time. Jealousy is an admission that you believe that someone else is superior to you in some way. Jealousy an admission of inadequacy, and no one likes to admit that they feel like a loser.
Since insincerity bothers me more than publicly airing my flaws, I'm going to share my own experiences with jealousy, and how I am working to overcome it. Given my current personal circumstances, I have given jealousy the perfect warm, mossy place to grow. I hope this will be cathartic:
{1} Being in a Creative Industry is Killing Me
Being surrounded by creative people is a double edged sword when you're also a green eyed monster. I see all the great things people are making and while I love it, I simultaneously feel terrible about myself. I instantly wonder why I'm not doing well, I start beating myself up, and then (and this is the worst part) I feel angry that this other person that I had deemed my equal is now "pulling ahead" in the "race." Eeesh.
What I really want is to is to give these people a big hug and say, This is hard to do and you are bold for doing it. I believe in you 100%. I'm so proud of you. Somehow, somewhere along the way, my wires got crossed and I started thinking in a very toxic way. I want to support my fellow creatives, not secretly hope for their failure. One person's success does not negate my own.
Solution: I like to think of that part in 13 Going on 30 when Judy Greer tells Jennifer Garner that she's working on an idea for the magazine's redesign and hopes she doesn't mind. Jennifer smiles, whips her hair as she looks over her shoulder and says No, of course I don't mind - because I'm doing the same thing. Boom. 13 Going on 30 for president.
Anytime I feel a like my jealousy is going to make me vomit, I throw myself into my own projects. It's amazing how productivity curbs rising chunks of vile jealousy.
{2} Living at Home with My Parents is Killing Me
Sorry Mom and Dad. Your warm loving home is making me feel like a loser. I know that my experience of needing to move home is not unique, but it's very difficult to not compare myself to my peers when my peers are flourishing.
Solution: Move out, dumbass. Very true brain, but not helpful. The best thing for me to do when I'm feeling down on myself for living with ma n' pa while my friends are buying houses and traveling the world, is to remind myself why I'm doing this.
My husband and I are both trying to work in difficult, competitive, and often low-paying fields. Our successes may not be as forthcoming as they would be had either one of us chosen an easier, more lucrative career. I am not a failure because I've taken a challenging path. I need to remind myself that we are both taking amazing risks that many people would either be unable to do, or would be too afraid to try. In that way, I think we are incredibly lucky.
{3} Working from Home is Killing Me
What happens when you're isolated with your Mom, your husband, and your dog all day with little outside interaction? You start losing social skills, start losing perspective, and start losing a grip on reality. I've been staring at my navel for so long that I've grown a mighty hump.
Solution: Roll off your bed desk from time to time and walk the dog. Take that stupid writing class you've been talking about for months. Jump at every opportunity to meet up with friends and family for lunch or drinks, no matter how easy it would be to make up an excuse. Talk to people on the phone more often, even though talking on the phone with anyone makes your pits sweat. (Customer service lady at BOFA, we had a good chat. Call me sometime.)
By increasing the scope of my day-to-day reality, I'll be less likely to internalize and think about all the stuff I'm doing wrong. There are so many more important things in this world than what's going on inside my pea brain.
{4} Social Media is Killing Me
All of the above converges on one hotplate: social media. I watch as people I know, people I barely know, and people I haven't spoken to in years are buying their second home, having their third baby, and writing their first novel. They're getting promotions, purchasing low emission vehicles, and traveling to faraway lands with beaches made of powdered gold. They're living independently like some kind of wunderkind, getting their hair cut regularly (!?), and blowing glitter out their butts in the place of farts.
You might be thinking, Well, duh Shay. Stop going on social media. Here's the rub: I'm an Internet marketer, I write online, and I aspire to work in the entertainment industry. This means that I need social media to work, I need social media to promote my work, and I need social media to keep my connected to future work. Oye.
Solution: Stop the endless must-check-social-media cycle throughout the day by limiting yourself to one social media session per meal, and log out to keep yourself in check (logging out really helped with Facebook). Stop following people that are contributing to toxic thinking. Those people aren't thinking about me, so why should I be so fixated on them. Additionally, the ones that are constantly blowing glitter out their asses probably don't have insides that are full of glitter. Many people like to paint a beautiful picture of their lives online, but no one has a life that is perfect.
Most importantly, I need to stop focusing on what other people are doing, and focus more on what I'm doing. I need to think everyday about what I'm doing to reach my goals, even if my ultimate goal is to marry my neighbor's wife. How you doin.
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